When you look into the mirror and can no longer see your face, you are invited to respond to the question “Who am I?” in ways that necessitate transcendence of the literal. When you look into the reflection in another’s eyes, you are invited to consider that we are as similar as we are different and we become who we are because of others.
In 1995, I experienced significant changes in my vision as a result of complications from diabetes that ignited a new way of relating to my sense of self and the world. Since the initial surgeries that led to legal blindness, my vision fluctuates from total darkness to varying degrees of clarity, blurriness, distortions, fluidity, and sparks of light. I learned to relate to the world without seeing, but rather with feeling, sensing, and listening. The images greeting me through my own eyes felt like unreliable representations of the outer world. In many ways, I “saw” through the words offered by others either as formal verbal descriptions or ordinary communications.
The quiet person I was previously shifted into someone whose voice was required to navigate the physical environment. I needed to speak to gain basic survival understanding. I needed to ask for what I wanted. I needed to let go of seeing so I could grow to value alternatives as much as I had previously valued my vision.
Once I regained a sense of balance, I went back to college with heartfelt motivation to take steps so I could make a difference to others. I earned a Master’s Degree in Social Work from the University of Vermont (UVM) in 2001 which provided me with rich frameworks for understanding people and our environments as well as critical social constructionism. I learned to examine the power—in words and the world. I learned to value the questions themselves and the responses to questions not overtly asked.
My graduate studies led me to research spirituality which, in social work literature, is referred to as “meaning and meaning making.” So when I created my first photography show, “Do You See What I See?” as part of UVM’s Disability Awareness Month in 2006, the “meaning making” aspects of the process revealed themselves to me as spiritual.
There was something happening that I could not see or prove. I felt it though. This creative awareness coincided with an inner yearning to keep growing. I was fortunate to have the opportunity to continue my post-secondary education with Caroline Myss at the CMED Institute in 2007. These studies supported me to further explore symbolic language, spirituality, and self-reflection. I learned methods for asking “Who am I?” and for discovering the ever-changing answers that arise within ever-changing contexts.